Wednesday, June 10, 2009


"I cannot BELIEVE I am within ten miles of MILEY! WOW, this is, like, the biggest thing to happen in the Lowcountry ever, in history even! This is something I will treasure all my life. Reporting from Tybee Island, I'm Salty Basket, Action Central News."

Is it just me, or are some grown-ups in Savannah a little too excited about Miley Cyrus coming to town? Those adults who feel a tear coming to their eye or a shudder where they shouldn't feel one when they think of the 16-year-old Hannah Montana Achy Breaky daughter better be careful, because they could possibly kill her burgeoning career.

Don't misunderstand. I know Miley's visit to film her movie "The Last Song" is a big event. It is especially big for the stores and restaurants raking in dough that was not raked in this time last year. It is big because Tybee gets to be Tybee in the movie and doesn't have to suffer the ignominious honor of being renamed Wilmington, North Carolina as was originally planned. I bet Wilmington would give all its gang members to be Tybee right now, especially since North Carolina's governor, Bev Perdue, likely cost Wilmington the shot at filming the movie with her premature eruption of a press conference announcement. That's par for the course for politicians in North Carolina, where Perdue's predecessor may have helped secure a six-figure job for his wife at Red Haired Stepchild University (N.C State for those unfamiliar), and the former state house speaker took bribes in a restaurant bathroom (the regular kind of bribe, not the toe-tapping kind.)

No sane person would deny that Miss Cyrus is a huge star or that her visit deserves copious attention. It is the salivating tone of some of the news stories and their presenters that has me worried.

"This could be the bedroom and, right here, THE very bed where Miley Cyrus slinks in every night after work. Of course she won't do that until after she has a relaxing time here, in her own private bath, where after a long, hard day of shooting she can soak and, I'm sure, Tweet, at the same time. Reporting from Tybee Island, I'm Red Whenexcited, On Your Side, On My Side, and On Your Underside."

The sound emanating from some in the media reminds me of the story of the 15-year-old guy who was "forced" to attend a Hannah Montana concert with his sister and her friends. "I hate her music" he protested, which in 15-year-old guy language should be translated as a nefariously pubescent "aw yeah, baby." This is not new. 15-year-old guys had the same reaction 12 years ago to a then-15 year old Brittney Spears, and 20 years ago, their muse was Winnie Cooper on "The Wonder Years." So the reaction to Miley Cyrus would be a-okay except for one thing. While I am far from the most-informed cookie in the jar, I am pretty certain that no one in the media is a 15-year-old guy. Thus, the collective drool actually may spell doom for Miss Hannah.

My evidence? Season 3, episode 310 of "South Park." In the show, the cartoon character "Chinpokomon" (think Pokemon) is loved by every child in the world, but the cartoon's creator is actually using it to hypnotize the kids so he can use them to take over the world. So how does the day get saved? The South Park parents pretend to start liking Chinpokomon as much as their kids, which according to the law of physics means that Chinpokomon is no longer cool amongst the children. Yes, life imitates South Park, and vice versa.

If Miley continues to elicit the current reaction among those much older than her target audience, "The Last Song" could possibly lose it's voice among the teens and tweens before it even gets to the cutting room. Again, do not misinterpret; I am not rooting against Miley. I just don't want to see or read any more of this;

"ARRRRRRRGHHHHH, LOOK, IT's MILEY!!!! HEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Squeek.....................squeal. Ahem. Reporting from Tybee Island, I'm Chastity Beltz, Coverage You Can Count Sheep In."

No comments:

Post a Comment