Gimme Back My Tim Horton's!!!

A federal bankruptcy judge says the Phoenix Coyotes of the National Hockey League are staying in Phoenix, at least for now, blocking one of the smartest ideas the league has seen in a long time; moving a team that plays on ice from the city with 127 degree "dry" heat back to Canada. The current Coyotes owner, who has already filed Chapter 11, wants to sell the team to Frostback Jim Balsille. Balsille wants to move the team to Hamilton, Ontario, which averages 63.7 inches...errr, sorry, 161.8 centimetres of snow each year. But the NHL doesn't want that, which makes about as much sense as Herman Talmadge coming back from the dead and running to represent Cuyler-Brownsville on the city council. The Associated Press reports:

"The Coyotes have lost more than $300 million since the franchise moved from Winnipeg, Manitoba, in 1996, and at least $36 million each of the last three seasons, but the NHL contends the franchise can be viable with better management and more success on the ice."

So, to review, the Wise Old NHL helped rip the team away from Winnipeg, where they lost money, though I doubt it was even close to 300 mil. The league, sensing the cri de coeur for hockey from the plastic surgically repaired population of Phoenix, sent the team there. The team goes bankrupt, but it's okay; they just need new "managers." Come on. Putting Donald Trump in charge and replacing the Coyotes with the Nekkid Coyote Cheerleader Skaters wouldn't make money in a place where everyone is obsessed with one of three things, golf, eating bamboo leaves and pea shoots at spas (or maybe that's bamboo shoots and pea leaves), and throwing guys through windows of bars. Oh wait, Charles Barkley doesn't live in Phoenix anymore, so they're obsessed with one of two things.

Send the Coyotes to Canada, which is hockey crazy, has non-fabricated ice, and WANTS more teams. I love hockey and think the players are tougher than football players and most other professional athletes, but the Sand Gnats' Jeurys Familia will pitch an entire game without adjusting himself once before the U.S.A. embraces the puck.