Sorry. Don't care about the presidential race yet. Because its August!

Some would have you believe that since Rick Perry is in, the 2012 presidential race is set in stone.  The media treat Perry as the Republican nominee-to be because, well, the numbers say he is.  The latest poll from PPP (a Democratic-leaning firm but, skeptical GOPer, extremely accurate) has Perry surging to a big lead over his closest rivals Mitt Romney, Michelle Bachmann, and the other guy from Texas that I won't name just to have fun with his vein-popping supporters.  Even when you include a hypothetical Sarah Palin candidacy, Perry is still on top.  But guess what? 

No, not chicken butt (sorry, my three-year-old was answering my question). Well, come to think of it, chicken butt is appropriate because neither it nor any presidential polling numbers matter at all right now.  Not when you are still a college football season away from the first caucuses and primaries.


It isn't that the presidential race doesn't matter at all, and the PPP poll has some interesting findings, not necessarily good ones if you are a Perry fan.  Among independents, Perry's favorable/unfavorable numbers are hideous - 29% favorable, 53% unfavorable.  The Texas gub also loses among independents in a head-to-head with Obama 49-43%.  I don't necessarily believe that last figure - honestly, about the only person Obama could beat head-to-head in an election today would be Gaddafi, or Qaddafi, or my favorite spelling, KaDaffy.
 

Obviously, the race for the White House is the center of the universe for the hard core politicos, even if that's because some of them are simply trying to gravy train their way into a job with whomever comes out on top.  But -  and this is "Breaking News" if you only watch the proud work of the plastic surgeons on Fox News or the never-ending "Something Else That's Bush's Fault" updates on MSNBC - the hard cores are not very numerous.  They may be loud, but like hockey fans south of Canada, there just aren't that many of them.  The people who actually decide elections, us independents, have more pressing things to think about 16 months ahead of the final vote.

First, college football season starts this week (on the 'scale of 10' importance meter, a 9).  Let's be honest; how would you rather spend your time?  Would it be watching  yet another "debate" where there are so many "candidates" that everyone has time for one good point - and that's if someone can shut the Newt Doggy Dogg the heck up?  Or would you rather be home on a Saturday morning, hot dogs, wings, pizza, and nachos on the way and ESPN's College Gameday setting the table for 12 hours of games?  Don't give me that crap about Michelle Obama and her "healthier menu"; you and I know darn well what the President and First Lady really like to eat.

Secondly, my Atlanta Braves are in a pennant race (importance meter, 9.5).  This wasn't supposed to happen this year, but the starting pitching has somehow held together despite Jair Jurrjens pitching better than he actually is, Tommy Hanson pitching hurt, and Derek Lowe breathing air.  Not only that, but Dan Uggla has also been the best player in baseball since the fourth of July, Brian McCann is being Brian McCann, newly acquired Michael Bourn may be the best lead-off man and center fielder in the National League, and Chipper Jones is duck-taped  and super-glued together for the stretch run.  No one has the guts to predict this, but the Braves actually have a shot at taking out the Phillies, whose bats aren't as good as they should be and whose bullpen has more holes than a Ben Bernanke speech.

Another reason some of us aren't paying attention to presidential politics: CM Punk.  My goodness, what that man has done to reinvigorate what had become a somewhat moribund WWE.  There are also three WWE shows on this week (importance meter, 47).  Listening to Punk and some of the other wrestlers when they are given carte blanche at the mic is infinitely more entertaining and, honestly, informative than listening to 90 percent of the babble on the cable news channels.

Finally, and less flippantly, presidential politics don't matter right now because many of us are too worried about taking care of our families.  Some independents have decent jobs.  Some collect part-time work for a living.  Some have been out of work for a long time.  Regardless of whether we are working or not, we worry about the future, about buying food and clothes for our kids, paying for our houses, paying down the debts we ran up during the good times (because some jack-bootie economists told us that running up debt was a good thing for the economy - some of the jokers are still saying that).  While the Republican candidates are busy blaming Obama for everything and Obama is busy still blaming George W. Bush, most folks would be happy if everyone in Washington showed some discipline for a change, shut up, got out of the way, and let the economy come back.

I will care about the presidential race eventually - I love the game of politics too much not too.  But if I don't freak out with my conservative friends about yet another boring Obama speech or if I don't have aneurysms with my liberal friends over the next half-dozen times they tell me Mrs. Bachmann is crazier than a typical four-hour period at Savannah City Hall, it doesn't mean I have completely tuned out.  It probably means I am too busy sharing in the excitement of my newly-potty trained three-year-old who wants to go to the bathroom yet again, and too busy working like hell to make sure that remains her bathroom for a very long time.

I Missed The Tea Party

High tea was served at Savannah's Forsyth Park on the 5th of July, and I missed it. How depressing. First, every Tea Party needs a mad hatter, and secondly, the food would have been outstanding because I just watched the high tea episode of Two Fat Ladies the other day. The grub I could have brought would have been a delicious companion to the pork that was there.

Although it's name presents a bit of irony for a Tea Party, the Queen Alexandra sandwich would have been the perfect snack for Monday's gathering. You start with a mustard butter, tart and Southern all in one. Add some simple chicken salad - poached chicken with some mayo, salt, pepper, and some hot sauce. Finally, you top the sandwich with an ingredient for which there is never a shortage at a tea party - tongue. You could 'bam' it a la Emeril, but since 'bam' is also the middle of 'Obama', that might not be a good idea for a Tea Party.

A Tea Party also needs good tea, no Mal-Wart generics please. Some folks prefer blends such as Earl Grey or Irish Breakfast, some prefer green tea, but since most Tea Partiers likely prefer 'made in the USA', the only place growing tea in the States is the nearby Charleston Tea Plantation on Wadmalaw Island in South Carolina. Savannah Bee Company on Broughton and Brighter Day Natural Foods on Bull Street are among the places you can find Charleston Tea around here. A cup with a teaspoon or two of Savannah Bee Company honey will make your innards wanna dance. I have never made Charleston Tea iced, but I don't see why it wouldn't make a fine old fashioned sweet tea, and you'd definitely need iced sweet tea for a Tea Party down here. Of course, one of the perfect companions to sweet tea is a barbecue pork sandwich, which perhaps explains why Jack Kingston spoke at the Savannah Tea Party.

Congressman Kingston knows that I can make that crack and remain his friend. I like Jack and always have. When the radio station budget cut me and many others out of jobs last year, Jack called my house twice over the ensuing month to ask after me and my family (John Barrow also called, but then again, I live in his district. Kidding, John!). Unlike some Members, I have no doubt that Jack believes in his convictions, one of which just happens to be that earmarks, the Member of Congress euphemism for pork dollars, are a good thing. Many times on my old show and in private conversation, Mr. Kingston passionately defended earmark spending saying good projects, particularly those dealing with the military and national defense, wouldn't see the light of day if he wasn't able to steer that money around the grubby hands of the faceless Washington bureaucrat. Perhaps that's true, but it doesn't make it right, and it contravenes what the Tea Party appears to be about.

Surveys consistently show that the Tea Party is, primarily, a revolt against government spending, something President Obama and many Democrats (and some Republicans) don't seem to understand. This is why it was puzzling to see under the list of Savannah Tea Party speakers, next to the young patriots and the professional name-callers, a Congressman whose John Hancock has been attached to more than $200 million in earmarks over the last three budget years. Sure, $200 million is to Washington what the size of a 'rhymes-with-hiss' ant is to a human, but regardless of the worthiness of a pork project, most folks have figured out that you can't talk about the need for deficit reduction while simultaneously adding tens of millions to that deficit each year.

Correction, you can if you are Jack Kingston, since he represents about as safe a Republican District as you can find. As I said, I still like Jack a lot, so we will just have to agree to disagree on that type of pork and maybe enjoy the other type from Wiley's or Wall's if I am invited to the next Tea Party. I will even bring another Fat Ladies special, delectable chocolate-painted Fruit Tarts....well, I'll bring the fruit tarts as long as Nathan Deal isn't coming.

A.P. headline: "Indian Woman and Black Guy Win SC Runoff Races"

It isn't exactly the headline, but it's pretty darn close. And you had the audacity to think identity politics would end when President Obama was inaugurated 17 months ago. Not a chance. Not in this country, or more accurately, not with our media's compulsive obsession with the color of people's skin or the composition of their genitalia.

It is undeniable that there was some history made in yesterday's South Carolina primary runoff wins for Nikki Haley in the governor's race (or, in the vernacular of the "we're smarter than you because we can use big words" reporters, gubernatorial race) and Tim Scott in the state's 1st Congressional District. Yes, Mrs. Haley is of Sikh heritage and Mr. Scott is African-American. Sure, Haley was called a "raghead" by State Senator Jake "I was just kidding" Knotts, the same genius who prevented the legalization of tattoo parlors in South Carolina for years because the Bible told him so - seriously, that was his reason. And yes, Scott was probably called goodness-knows-what behind his back, as his primary opponents included the sons of two political legends for whom half the state's inanimate objects are named, Strom Thurmond and Carroll Campbell (Mr. Scott decimated Mr. Thurmond in yesterday's runoff). Unfortunately for both, many in the media - and a few of The People - will only define the two victors in this manner ad infinitum.

"The relevance of me being black is really, fortunately irrelevant," Mr. Scott said. "The voters voted for a guy who they felt represented their values and their issues and their philosophy."
Mr. Scott, I wish you were right, but I fear you are dead wrong, at least in the world of today's media. Today's talking-points-driven, 24-hour news-cycle media universe means that your race is, sometimes, the only thing that is relevant. You are the African-American that beat the son of the man who, after likely consuming some of his favorite raw oysters, filibustered for more than 24 hours against a civil rights bill. For far too many lazy news writers, that will be the introductory paragraph of every story about you. Not only that, but if you are elected to Congress and start to become somewhat prominent, someone on a Fox News Channel panel will say something ridiculous along the lines of "Hey, we got a black guy, too. He's the Republican Obama" and, BOOM, whether you like it or not, there will be half-a-dozen websites drafting you to run for president, complete with two-dollar t-shirts sold for $14.99 on those giant, annoying ads at the top of the Drudge Report page.

Don't believe me? It's already happening to Nikki Haley. The Hill newspaper and Lord-knows how many blogs have already mentioned her as a possible vice-presidential running mate for either Mitt Romney or Sarah Palin in two years. You can almost hear the minds of the so-called "political experts", the consultants, and some in the conservative media churning; "heh heh, we not only got ourselves a woman, we got a Indian woman! Heh heh, Pocahontas for President!! Oh, she ain't that type of Indian? Oooo, sorry 'bout that."

The victories by Mrs. Haley and Mr. Scott were significant, but now, they are just candidates and not hyphenated something-or-others, just as Obama was supposed to have been two years ago. Have the media already permanently re-named both of them? Will we always see them referred to in the news as Nikki "Hey, She's an Indian Woman, and She May Have Had an affair though it can't be substantiated...and oh by the way she's an Indian Woman" Haley and Tim "The African-American who beat two sires of white South Carolina politics, but is he really an African-American if he doesn't support Obama" Scott? I hope not, but I am not optimistic.

If Republicans want to kill their momentum, here's how

Everything seems to be going right for Republicans and wrong for Democrats these days. The Dems can and do try to blame Republicans for this, but they would have more credibility blaming the Animaniacs for surreptitiously dropping anvils on the heads of John Barrow and other Blue Dogs. Whether it was President Obama misreading his elective mandate, just as George W. Bush misread his after 2004, or Members of Congress being their usual incompetent selves, the Democratic majority has accomplished virtually nothing the party faithful clamored for in 2008. There is even talk that Republicans could take control of Congress in midterm elections this year, though I still believe that is unlikely. One reason it is unlikely is Dan Coats, the former Republican Senator from Indiana who has decided to run for his old office this year. What, were they not able to get Tom DeLay to change his residency? Did Richard Nixon's corpse politely decline to run?

The fact that Dan Coats is a candidate is the latest evidence that, apparently, no political party is capable of true change. They talk about change, they sometimes elect new blood, but they always revert to the same old, good ol' boy, back slapping, turning a blind eye to conflicts of interest shenanigans of the past. When Dan Coats speaks of himself as a conservative as he inevitably will, unless he is referring to his attempt to use a comb-over to conserve his head from the sunshine, he shouldn't be able to keep a straight face. The fact that moderate Democrat Evan Bayh chose to retire from the Senate rather than potentially face what should have been a cupcake opponent speaks volumes about what some Democrats think about their party these days.

Seriously, a Bayh-Coats race should be akin to Georgetown-Savannah State on the basketball court. Just before his retirement announcement, one poll had Bayh holding a 20-point lead over Coats in a hypothetical race. Why would this be the case in a time of Republican resurgency? Maybe it's because that since Coats left office in 1998 rather than face the opposition of Bayh, Coats has become a millionaire by lobbying for folks like Bank of America and Chrysler to receive millions of your (and my) tax dollars in the form of bailouts. Conservatives probably aren't enthralled that Coats has also lobbied for many companies that have become close allies of Obama, such as Google and the major pharmaceutical manufacturers. It is very ironic that Democrats are also attacking Coats for lobbying for those folks even though those companies were major supporters of health care and other portions of Obama's agenda. Oh, and did I mention that Coats also moved to and registered to vote in Virginia?

Just as Democrats are killing their 2008 revolution by moving away from appealing to folks other than their base of lefties, some Indiana Republicans seem ready to put a chink in the armor of the current GOP uprising by nominating one of the reasons they lost their majority in Congress. It seems that "change" always stays the same in Washington, because those in Washington apparently like it that way.

Litmus this

Boy, it sure was swell this morning, having my coffee with my biscuit, gravy, grits, sausage, bacon, eggs, oatmeal (gotta watch the ole ticker), chocolate cake, milk, and orange juice for breakfast, followed by a half-pack of unfiltered Camels. A big, Southern boy breakfast like that hits the spot when I am trying to become angry. After all, every white man is an angry white man. An angry, right-wing, tea-bagging white man, though I usually hold off on tea until the afternoon. Wait, tea? Why, that would mean that this angry, white, Southern, right-wing Jesus freaky dude would actually be a lefty commie pinko frog-licking figure skating fan. What's wrong with me? Maybe it's because I don't meet all of the litmuses (or is the proper term litmi) of the supposed litmus tests many folks in this country would apply to me.

I am Southern and proud of it. When I say that to some people, they assume that I have a giant Confederate battle flag outside my house, a flag to which the entire family salutes every morning at daybreak as we sing "Dixie" (well, the toddler sings "Mississippi Mud", but we're working on that), while the hired help makes our breakfast and washes all my white hoods. You haven't lived until you hear a Canadian wife sing "Dixie." We draw beards and hats on our dollar bills so that George Washington resembles Robert E. Lee, and we never, ever buy Northern toilet paper, even if it's half-price. Ludicrous? Of course, but you wouldn't believe how difficult it is to convince some people that being a Southerner doesn't mean you long for the days of "Roots", the Ed Asner/Chuck Connors side of "Roots" anyway.

Stereotyping like that shouldn't happen in 2010, but it does and not just to Southerners. There are a legion of folks who believe that President Obama at this moment, at least after he prays to Mecca and shreds his real birth certificate one more time, is using the Folgers Crystals commercial formula to secretly insert Instant Islam and Karl Marx For Kiddies into the school lunches of every child in America. He then holds his daily meetings with the Eternal Flamers, the gay and we don't mean happy gay lobbying group, to conjure up ways to turn half the population into homosexuals through mass exposure to musical theater and women's softball. It must be working, because I checked out two Fred Astaire movies and two Gene Kelly movies from the library last week and also have a strange urge to pitch underhanded.

On the other side, there are folks who faithfully believe that Rush Limbaugh is about to give marching orders to millions through headsets that look like Bluetooth but were actually installed by Cybermen imported from a "Doctor Who" episode. Those people don't eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, vote, or root for their favorite sports team unless Rush tells them to, which would explain the alarming number of Pittsburgh Steelers fans in the South. Of course, Rush can't do this until he comes back from his daily cross burning with Glenn Beck, the skeletons of Joe McCarthy, J. Edgar Hoover, and Strom Thurmond, Michael Steele, and Clarence Thomas, the latter two being white dudes in blackface, of course.

As silly as that sounds, we sadly live in an era where you are virtually banned from being part of the daily discussion of issues unless you believe in some stereotypes. Just this week, when expressing agreement with the Supreme Court's decision striking down the ban on some corporate and union campaign contributions, some folks thought I had suddenly emerged from the broom closet as "Tea-Bagger Man", fighting to ensure that all liberals are fed to the billy goats, or at least have underwear that is two sizes too small. I am still amazed that, because I believe everyone regardless of their politics should be able to say whatever they want and spend whatever they want to get their message out, some believe that necessitates an anti-gay slur, as if it is okay to use an anti-gay slur as long as you use it toward the right people.

Litmuses (or litmi, I need to look that one up) sadly don't discriminate, regardless of your politics. There are many Democrats who do not believe you are one of them unless you believe there should be no restriction on abortions at all, even if you agree with the Dems on every other issue. At the upcoming Republican National Committee meeting in Hawaii, while a handful of nutjobs hold the state's department of health hostage until they provide Obama's "real birth certificate", there is an actual litmus test proposal on the table. If it is approved, the RNC will not give money to political candidates unless they agree with the RNC on at least eight of ten "conservative principles." "You ain't a Republican unless you say Obama is a socialist poopy head. Say it, son. Say it!!" No wonder independents are so disenchanted with Washington right now. It is too bad that, even though independents have all the political power, the two major parties will never let a meaningful third-party take away the fun they have jerking us around.

Don't get me wrong. People should have principles. You don't have to compromise over everything a la Lindsey Graham, whom I always liked but who will bend over for just about anyone. But if we disagree on a few things, that's okay. You shouldn't be labeled a Klan member if you don't believe in affirmative action. You shouldn't be told you are going to burn in Hell if you don't have a problem with two guys being in love with each other. This is America, after all. I think it is anyway. Or maybe I'm just a jingoistic, flag waving, xenophobic dummy being controlled by Jeff Dunham, who, as anyone who reads the 'internets' can tell you, is actually George W. Bush in disguise.