Zack Greinke (spelled G-R-E-I-N-K-E, but pronounced Throat Wobbler Mangvove*) wins the American League Cy Young Award. Even though he won only 16 games, voters gave him the trophy because he has such a cute butt.
Actually, Zack deserved the award, as he was by far the best pitcher in the majors. That and the "cute butt" vote already went to Derek Jeter for his fourth (undeserved) Gold Glove. So we give a rare kudos to the Baseball Writers Ass. of America for actually getting one right. That means they are doing pretty well so far, with okay choices for Rookies of the Year (Florida's Chris Coghlan in the N.L. and Oakland closer Andrew Bailey in the A.L.) plus the clear-cut choice of Greinke.
Well except the one voter who gave a first-place Cy Young vote to the Tigers' Justin Verlander. He should have his voting rights taken away and be waterboarded on the comfy chair.
Just so there is no confusion, baseball's managers and coaches vote for the Gold Gloves, and once again they mangled all but about three or four of them this year. Apparently they are swayed by the pretty posterior as opposed to actually being able to field your position. Now you know why managers slap people on the butt all the time.
* - RIP Graham Chapman