Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Does anyone really have a shot against Barrow?

President Obama says he is looking for an "ass to kick." When asked if he was doing the same, Barrow said "well a committee has been formed to study the causes, the effects, and the after-effects of the raising of the fibula and femur to a certain height to where the metatarsals make or attempt to make contact with a posterior, or a gluteus maximus, you know, taking into account wind resistance if the movement is being attempted outdoors as well as the height of the person on the receiving end of the forward thrust, not to mention whether the Americans With Disabilities Act might be invoked if someone has a condition that would prevent them from a foot attack on a hiney even though they wish to engage in one. Once that committee meets, holds hearings, meets again in private and issues recommendations, then......"

While that answer continues, back to the question at hand. Who has a chance with John Barrow? Well, Rogaine perhaps - since you have to use it everyday for three months, that leaves plenty of time until Election Day. But does any human have a shot at knocking off the Congressman from the 12th District? Even in this anti-incumbent year, especially anti-Democrat incumbent year, my gut still says no.

Regardless of how he has done it, Barrow has successfully made himself out to be the quintessential moderate. He votes with his fellow Democrats on some things, votes against them on others. Sure, there are many who say he waits until the last minute sometimes to find out whether Speaker Nancy Pelosi needs his help or not, but even if it is true, it is difficult to get that through to, to borrow Bill O'Reilly's term, The Folks in the 12th District. Most of The Folks just don't have time to care about the minutiae of the ridiculous goings on in Washington. An exception was the health care reform debate, and Barrow positioned himself well by echoing the opinion of most of his district with his vote against the bill and against much of his party.

There are some Democrats who think this will hurt Barrow with the liberal base in the upcoming primary. Those Dems need to ask Mr. Rourke for their money back and get Tattoo to put them back on de plane. It might hurt some if Barrow had a challenger. What's that? Oh, yes I know Regina Thomas is running again. Don't get me wrong, she is a nice person with hats almost as cool as mine and Frank's, but Sand Gnats' second basemen and budding hip-hopster Alonzo Harris will win American Idol before Thomas beats Barrow in the primary.

"But the racial makeup of the district..." blah blah blah. First of all, how insulting is it to insinuate that "black voters are going to vote for the black person"? That's a little like saying Jews are the only people offended by Helen Thomas. But let's say that every single African-American who showed up at the polls voted for Ms. Thomas - not that one, the other one. Even if that unlikely scenario took place, Barrow would still win the primary by double digits or more because a) President Obama is not on the ballot to help drive African-American turnout, and b) much of the Democratic Party establishment is still behind the Congressman.

Oh, I think the Congressman might be done with his answer to my original question. Let's see:

"....and in conclusion, when you consider all of the factors of the sheer number of posteriors that would be struck with feet or feet-like-objects, or of course prosthetics for those unfortunate people who either lost or who were born without feet, and that of course raises an entirely new set of questions about the regulation of a prosthesis and the stores that sell prosthetic feet and other prosthetic limbs, whether or not we need the Consumer Product Safety Commission to step in and issue rules and regulations on the strike force power of a prosthetic foot, and then you have to consider a real-world application to the old joke about the one-legged man in a booty-kicking contest, because I know for a fact that situation has come up in my district..."

Sorry, false alarm.

Even though it takes him a while to answer a question, Dreamland is the only place where John Barrow could be knocked off by Regina Thomas. That would be Dreamland in Birmingham or Tuscaloosa, and only if Barrow got snockered on their scrumptious white bread that you dip in the barbecue man, now I need a road trip.

Next time, we'll look at whether or not any of the Republican candidates have a shot to knock off Barrow in November, though to be honest, we could probably name that tune in one note. Or one word, well, you know what I mean.

1 comment:

  1. Great read. It will be good for a certain State level candidate if Thomas looses her primary bid. You'll have to figure out why all by yourself.

    It should be noted however that the anti-incumbent theme that is running rampant nationally in primary elections, has not been limited to the Republican side of the isle. That being said, Barrow will be hard to knock off that fence that he's been riding for years now. I would suspect that to be the reason that even prominent Republicans have sent him donations.