Happy Birthday To The Mrs., and God Bless The Pit Bull in Pumps

Today, The Mrs. celebrates another b'day. Happy Happy Happy, Baby!

One of these days, if I say my prayers, eat my vitamins, and am on Santa's good list long enough, I will write almost as well as my friend Geveryl Robinson. Perhaps a better way of saying it would be, "when I grow up, I want to be a black woman voracious wordsmith with an "Oh no, you didn't" streak the size of a bill that Congress passes without reading. If you don't read Gevvie every Sunday in the Savannah Morning News, you are missing a treat. Yesterday, she ripped Barbara Walters a new one, and it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person (or pewrson, as Babs would say).

The reason for Geveryl's wrath was Paula Deen's recent appearance on "The View", which quite astonishingly I missed! Nothing says stay-at-home dad like enjoying a four-cheese omelet
and a six-pack of Yuengling Light with a wardrobe of a wife-beater and boxers(1), all the while watching Joy Behar et al fail to understand why they can't get a decent man in their lives. In a nutshell, Ms. Walters, the most overrated journalist of the last half-century, essentially told Miss Paula, "I can't beweeve you are twying to make ouw chiwdwen ovewweight, with the fwied this and fwied that." Okay, I am paraphrasing. Miss Paula was simply making the obligatory appearance on 'View' to pitch her cookbook for kids, which is excellent by the way and doesn't actually involve much fwying at all.

First, if anyone needs a dose of obesity, it's Barbara Walters. I guess lobbing softballs at celebs and politicians for a few decades burns a lot of calories. Secondly, what is everyone's problem with Paula and the Deen family? I always knew there was a segment of Savannah who didn't care for the Deens, be it jealousy or just to appear to be one of the "cool kids" that criticizes popular people and things. I thought all that would eventually fade, but I was wrong. I keep hearing stories from folks like "well, I heard she curses." The answer is; yep, having been around Paula a few times, she does. She even let so many worty dirds fly during an in-depth interview with me on "The Last Talk Show"(2), a complaint was sent in to the Savannah Morning News's "Vox Populi" section. Also, in case you don't know, if you work in a professional kitchen, the boss is going to yell at you. Even if you are the best line cook, prep cook, prettiest waitress, or best dish washer in the world, the boss will say nasty things about your parentage and bodily orifices from time to time. It happens in every professional kitchen, and if it doesn't, that professional kitchen won't be open for long.

I have also heard complaints about the boys, Bobby and Jamie. "Oh, they aren't as nice as everyone thinks." Really? I can only speak for myself, but those guys have been nothing but fabulous to me in the dozen or so times I have been around them, both in public and in private. What you have seen of the boys on TV is exactly what I have seen off camera. Look, I'm sorry if Bobby doesn't want to date your desperately single self, but that doesn't make him or his brother a jerk, and perhaps you should watch something other than "Sex And The City" reruns to learn about guys.

"Oh, the food at Lady And Sons isn't that good." You know, maybe it isn't as good as it used to be. That I can't answer, as I wasn't around for the early days of Lady And Sons. But while it is pricey, it is also less expensive than some of the worst downtown Savannah restaurants, and without a doubt, sister restaurant Uncle Bubba's is fantastic (we actually prefer it to Lady And Sons, no offense boys). I love Bubba for a number of reasons, but mostly because he offers the Cialis Of The Sea, chargrilled oysters. Oh....my........gracious.

I know I know. Everyone has their own story. "Well _____ said this directly to me/my momma/my great aunt Georgie Poo." Whatever. I'm sure we all regret just how somewhat insulated the Savannah area was to the recession because of folks who were still coming to town to eat at the Deen's restaurants and to buy stuff with Paula's name on it. Sure, we had a downturn, but imagine the recession without the lure of the Deen name. It would have been like living in rural South Carolina for cryin' out loud. And I'm sure America's Second Harvest Food Bank gets incredibly p-o'd every time the Deens show up to make another gargantuan donation of food. Dang it, Deens, don't you know the Food Bank has work to do?

So go ahead, hate on the Deens. And when you have a better idea to attract millions in tourism dollars to Savannah and to donate enormous resources to the Food Bank, Safe Shelter for battered spouses, and Bethesda Home For Boys, let's see it. As Miss Paula might say, you do that, and I'll be hotter than a $&@*!&$#()@.


(1) - full disclosure, I don't own a wife beater. Boxers, on the other hand....

(2) - "The Last Talk Show" is my pet name for my old show on 630 WBMQ, since, pardon my snippiness, there isn't a real talk show left in Savannah.