Thursday, February 11, 2010

Chipper calls Johnny

Johnny Damon: "Hello?"

Chipper: "Johnny, it's Chipper."

Damon: "Hey, Larry. Sup?"

Chipper: "Don't call me Larry (spit)."

Damon: "Okay, Uncle Lar. But I hit better than you last year."

Chipper: "Yep (spit) you did. Shore was nice of the Yankees to show their gratitude by offerin' you all that money."

Damon: "Ummm, I was in an episode of "Arthur" once. When I was a Red Sock."

Chipper: "Listen. Frank Wren wants me to do his job for him. Again. He told me, hang on a second. (Unfurls crumpled up piece of paper), oh, sorry, Heh heh, I need a 'Hooked On Phonics' refresher."

Damon: "I don't know, Lar. I mean, I know I'm 36, I'm slowing down, and my defense has more holes than Tiger Woods's stories, but I really feel as if I have been shown a lot of disrespect for my overall career by these lousy offers. I really did have a good season last year, Lar. I don't understand why teams haven't made me any decent offers for more than one year yet.

Chipper: "We ain't got 'roids to make us younger anymore."

Damon: "Aw (bleep), your right. Ummmmmm, I did an episode of 'Queer Eye' once. Seriously, Lar, I think I am worth more than a one-year contract. I believe I can still make good contact, I can still steal a few bases, hit a few homers, and my numbers should be better if I am playing in the weaker National League. I really don't know if I should sign with the Braves unless they want to add a second year to the deal."

Chipper: "Uhhh, we got Hooters. And I'm the president of their Headlights Club."

Damon: "Oh. Okay. See you in Orlando!"

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