What They Say....What They Mean

This is about as original an idea as Dr. Wayne Dyer meditating his way to hair growth while levitating above a gaggle of aging musicians singing their greatest hits a half-step off key, with the background painted by the skeletal remains of Bob Ross, all yours for your generous contribution of $250 to help continue the employment of Bill Moyers and that day-glow orange guy who gives the stock market numbers each night on public TV.

Savannah-Chatham Metro Police Chief Michael Berkow on the reason for his resignation:

What he said:
"I was approached about a new career opportunity in April, and I have thought about it and struggled with it and truly agonized over it,"

What he meant:

"Holy crap, it's about friggin' time. One more useless meeting with these jokers and I might have stuffed the city manager in a Bronco for some old-fashioned slow-motion chasin' down I-16."

Major Juliette Tolbert, commander of the metro police patrol unit; what she said:

"The community involvement is so much better, he decentralized the criminal investigations division - there are just so many things he has done."

What she meant:

"Ho boy, we're going to hell..."

Assistant Chief Willie Lovett, who was passed over for the job when Berkow was hired; what he said...

"His position will remain vacant until an appropriate replacement is found."

What he meant:

"You got another chance, mothers. Big Willie-time, baby, Big Willie Time!"

Alderman Van Johnson. What he said...

"I wish him the best in his future endeavors. Our department certainly has changed and grown since he's been here. I firmly believe that this community needs (more of) that in its next chief. We have the talent already to move this department forward."

What he meant...

"The future mayor got your back, Big Willie."

Brother Shabazz. What he said...

"Cracker. Pedophile!" Pedophile? "Yes, yes."

What he meant...

"Cracker. Pedophile!" Pedophile? "Yes, yes."